Five-Minute Writing Tip # 4: Laugh at Your Mistakes
DOUGLASS-ISMS: I Still Wonder; Do You?
For years, I taught high school English and painfully listened to my students butcher the English language. But after all the years I’ve been married to Don Douglass, I still sometimes wonder if his quirky misuse of words and phrases are really intended to get my goat.
Here are a few of my favorites:
I want to condemn (commend) you for your behavior.
It’s scolding (scalding) hot.
He’s a weasling (weasel or weakling).
His effort was unfruitable (fruitless or useless).
They had to do an autopsy (biopsy) on his prostate.
They ostracated (ostracized) me from the sailing club.
My inclanation (initiation) to the world of sailing changed my life.
It’s a resort with full inimities (amenities).
We all have a fixiation (fixation) with something.
Sexual minorities will be the next engendered (endangered) species.
I’ll correlate (collate) the pages.
The trouble began when they did away with capital (corporal) punishment in schools.
Do you have a catharsis (thesaurus) handy?
Let me vacuum, I love to gravel (grovel) around on the floor.
She suscumbed (succumbed) to her Marine.
This is the restaurant where you were indicted (inducted).
I had an epitome (epiphany).
Would you like me to bring you your special arabatic (aromatic) tea?
The combustibles (comestibles/consumables) have to be kept where they’re handy.
Sometimes my choice of words gives Réanne acoplexy (apoplexy).
Bill went for a congenital (conjugal) visit. (Although this last one might be technically correct, I doubt he meant it that way.)